if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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