anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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