So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it hurts more in the daytime
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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