Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
