I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
