just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
