she woke up with a sticky ear
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
