I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
