just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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