As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
