When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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