What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
