Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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