i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
