i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
