So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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