Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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