alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
