I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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