whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
