WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
