Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
