We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
