I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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