Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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