I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
