my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
