woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Less talking, more tequila
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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