you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
