She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize