he was CRYING into my vagina
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
