I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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