i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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