one might say we're banned from that church
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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