I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
