Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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