you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i think i just lost a toe
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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