i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
