If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
