idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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