Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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