Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
