someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
