Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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