You just made me feel so damn special
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
