she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
