So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
