so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
