were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
