I wanna bring you to show and tell
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
