In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
