I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
ugly people sure do ruin things
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
