My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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