And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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