Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
