Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
