Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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