Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
