I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
