So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
