i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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