Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
