I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
