I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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