Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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