...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
