Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize