Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
