I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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