i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
