There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I need water and some morals
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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