Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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