i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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