so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
