I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
