thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
