the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
