there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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