oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
