meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
