I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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