I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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