I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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