I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
