Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
