Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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