this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
