plz talk dirty to me
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
