So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
