you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
