Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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