She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize