About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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